WE ALL HAVE LIMITING BELIEFS

Limiting beliefs are the often unspoken thoughts about yourself that you carry around your whole life. Most of us don’t even know that they are there until we encounter a stressor, relationship, or life change that brings them to the surface. A limiting belief is a troublesome expectation about yourself, the world, or other people. We all have limiting beliefs and for most of us they begin to develop in childhood. Limiting beliefs start off being very useful - they help us deal with adverse circumstances, painful emotions, and difficult relationships. However, when we carry them with us into adulthood (which we all do) they can start to negatively affect our relationships, work, and life.

Some common patterns that might tell you that a limiting belief is present are if you tend to: 

  • Take on everything at work and have trouble getting help when you need it

  • Chose partners that are emotionally distant or neglectful

  • Feel like you are always performing and have trouble feeling genuinely connected to others

  • Have a hard time feeling your emotions and feel threatened by vulnerability

  • Feel angry under the surface but struggle to show it

  • Wish that you had a better sense of your boundaries

  • Feel chronically un-included and misunderstood

  • Struggle to ask directly for what you need

ATTACHMENT WOUNDS CREATE LIMITING BELIEFS

Attachment is how you learn to relate to yourself and others from a very young age. A natural part of being a human is that caregivers struggle to meet all of our needs. When a child has a need that doesn’t get met repeatedly, that can create an attachment wound. Attachment wounds are like raindrops on rock. If something painful happens a few times, it leaves no impression. But attachment wounds usually happen many times over and leave us with deeply held beliefs about ourselves and how the world works. Some examples of these beliefs include:

  • I’m not good enough

  • I can’t say ‘no’

  • It’s not safe to be vulnerable

  • Other people won’t really be able to help me so I have to do everything myself

  • I have to perform to be noticed or loved

  • It’s not okay to be angry

  • I’m not allowed to make mistakes

  • I can never rest, I have to always be doing

  • I will never be accepted

  • I can’t have my own thoughts and feelings, I have to do what other people want

  • I have to be perfect

  • I’m powerless

If any of these beliefs sound familiar, attachment therapy might be right for you. 

WHERE DO THESE BELIEFS COME FROM?

Limiting beliefs about ourselves can come from many places, not just our parents. As children, we are like sponges, soaking up the world around us. We look to our friends, teachers, family, and community to help us understand our environment. Limiting beliefs can actually be a way to protect ourselves from fear, loneliness, confusion, and hurt. They are useful defenses in a sometimes scary world. Think of it like a this: you are walking through the forrest and you come to a river. You build a canoe to help you cross the river. Many years later, you find yourself in a large city but your heavy canoe is still strapped to your back.

Even the best parents are still human. Humans have blind spots that can impact their children. It’s important to emphasize that your parents probably did the very best they could and to simultaneously acknowledge that your pain is real. Using this gentle, non-blaming approach we can get to the root of your painful life patterns, heal loneliness and shame, and allow you to live a life that has more comfort, connection, and freedom. 

RELATIONSHIP PATTERNS

Many people realize that they need help healing their early attachment wounds and limiting beliefs because they start noticing problems in their romantic relationships. For some, it seems like the same problems keep popping up again and again. You might have heard your partners say one of the following:

  • “It’s like I never know what you’re thinking or feeling”

  • “You’re a workaholic and I always feel like I come second to whatever project you have”

  • “It feels like you depend on me for everything and if I back off a little, you fall apart"

  • “I feel like I’m walking on eggshells and I’m always afraid to upset you”

Or you might have noticed that you feel:

  • Chronically rejected by partners and afraid of being abandoned

  • Like it’s all on you and you have to do all the heavy lifting in the relationship

  • Distant from your partner even though you care about them, like it’s hard to let them in

  • Like it’s impossible to communicate your true feelings

Attachment therapy can get to the root of these problems and heal the pain that you have been carrying around. We can teach you new ways to deal with old problems and allow you to feel like you are in charge of your emotions and your life again. You can feel less lonely and more connected. 

HOW ATTACHMENT THERAPY HELPS

Attachment therapy has two parts. First, we collaboratively create coping skills that you can use in your daily life to cope with stress and problematic patterns. This can include: 

  • Helping you create and hold healthy boundaries

  • Feeling more stable in your emotions

  • Asking for what you need

  • Feeling less stretched-thin and stressed out

Attachment therapy teaches you to feel more in control of your life and emotions. If you’ve worked on these skills before, but it doesn’t “stick” or you feel like it doesn’t go deep enough, attachment therapy might be right for you. 

The second part of attachment therapy involves accessing the parts of you that have held onto hurt and to provide healing to those parts. Using cutting-edge therapies including EMDR, mindfulness, and somatic interventions, we can heal old wounds and provide care that you needed long ago. Backed by neuroscience, this work can actually change how your brain talks to itself and can reduce patterns of negative thought and emotion while helping you feel more connected and loved.   

MORE THAN JUST TALK THERAPY

If you’ve been in therapy before and you still feel like you have unrelenting negative life patterns or limiting beliefs that are holding you back, attachment therapy can help you get to the root of the problem. Attachment therapy integrates all of systems including your thoughts, body, emotions, memories, and spirit. Attachment therapy can help you overcome locked in patterns that you can’t seem to talk or think your way out of.

If you think that attachment therapy might be right for you, we would love to speak with you.